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The Steady Haul [May. 10th, 2005|10:54 am]
[Current Mood |draineddrained]

Years later and miles away
I sit on a rain-soaked bench
waiting for the ferry.

I think of my brother
at the dinner table
and me asking him
to pass the bread.

What’s it like to want?, he used to say.

Even then I knew
this would be the question
I would answer
again and again
throughout my life.

He knew the answer
as much as I did: to want
a father un-dead,
a mother to soften,
a lover who loves in return.

I look out at the sea
trapped in the bay
kicking itself in the ass
for reaching for nothing more
than a beach to show up on,
a place to spread out its depths
and be touched
gently at the pulse.

And the clouds move
across the sky like barges making
the steady haul home, thick,
dark with water.

My hair blows in my face
and I do not move it.

Children toss bits of bread
into a huddle of pigeons
then chase them so they scatter.

And the birds return to the pack
despite their better judgment
still looking for bread, and I
board the ferry,
steady yet hesitant,
and move toward home.
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In To The Hunger [May. 7th, 2005|09:09 am]
[Current Mood |exhaustedexhausted]

It was as if we were walking a famine road
the hills around us green, yet oddly barren,
studded with rock. A bleak beauty.

And I kept looking for the mountain lion
who had appeared to us the last time we walked
this path and fell in love. But she did not appear.

And the red-winged blackbirds took flight around us
and the wind hushed through the trees. I love that sound,
I said to you. But you couldn’t hear it.

And as we walked toward the ocean, we cleared
our path just as the hungry Irish did, we had our shovels
you dug your furrow, I settled into mine.

We knew the road would end. Our love would
become the sea lion, beached and reaching for the water,
moaning with fatigue, rearing its head in the futile

endeavor of returning home, of belonging to something
to someone to some place other than this beach
where we put down our shovels, laid our bodies on the sand,

folded our hands on our chests, felt the wind
wash over us, the sun heating our skin
one last time, together, we closed our eyes,

given in to the hunger, the waves as our witnesses,
the blackbirds in flight, two flames
perched on the darkness.
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The Waves [May. 4th, 2005|06:13 pm]
[Current Mood |discontentdiscontent]

Look how they mill about
out there like a crowd of workers
waiting to hear if they have a job for the day,
whispering to each other about necessity,
shoulders tense and shivering,
resigned to the bitter
tug of what must be done.

How they huddle and gather,
anticipating their inevitable dissolve
on the grit and rock, how they surrender
to this destiny, to witness themselves
as mere shadows, lightless, utterly spent.

This is the nature of love,
with its haul and heave, its breathless
suspension and the wild pull
to an inevitable undoing.

How quickly we turn to mist
hovering on the wind, how the moon wrenches us
back into the swarming fold, each time
a bit more accustomed to betrayal.

And I surrender to this
persistent oscillation,
clipped to this life, to this
unruly belief in love,
translucent and limp, yet
still hoping for work.

I see myself now, rising
from the waves’ exhausted collapse,
moving through the air, a sheer
memory of water, drying out
on the wind-whipped face of a woman
placing her trembling hands in the sea,
as she watches the worker’s arms,
cloaked in foam, flail before her,
their earthly moans escaping
from her gaping mouth.
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TPO'D, for you... [Jan. 10th, 2005|10:29 pm]
[Current Mood |pensivepensive]

a poem by mary oliver...


I have been thinking
about living
like the lilies
that blow in the fields.

They rise and fall
in the wedge of the wind,
and have no shelter
from the tongues of cattle,

and have no closets or cupboards,
and have no legs.
Still I would like to be
as wonderful

as that old idea.
But if I were a lily
I think I would wait all day
for the green face

of the hummingbird
to touch me.
What I mean is,
could I forget myself

even in those feathery fields?
When van Gogh
preached to the poor
of course he wanted to save someone--

most of all himself.
He wasn't a lily,
and wandering through the bright fields
only gave him more ideas

it would take his life to solve.
I think I will always be lonely
in this world, where the cattle
graze like a black and white river--

where the ravishing lilies
melt, without protest, on their tongues--
where the hummingbird, whenever there is a fuss,
just rises and floats away.
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i've been offered a place to live...does anyone know this area? [Jan. 9th, 2005|07:57 pm]
[Current Mood |nervousnervous]

I've been offered a room in this house--see the photos and posting below. I met with the guy for two hours tonight. He seemed pretty cool, the room was big and had a large closet. The only thing I'm unsure about is the location--is anyone familiar with this area off of Seminary near Mills? I was there after dark so I'm not sure.

copy and past the craigslist URL into your address bar to see the posting and get the link to see photos...

Oakland Room for Non-Smoking Female Only

Original URL: http://www.craigslist.org/eby/roo/54713275.html

Posted by:
Posted on: 2005-01-06, 3:20PM


House to share near Mills College, highways 580 & 13, 10 minutes to Berkeley, 15 to SF. EZ-Bus to Bart, but life is easier if you have a car.

Our house: progressive-thinking, healthy-eating, somewhat vegetarian, conserving, recycling, alternative music appreciating, hardwood floors, gas cooking, microwave, H2O filter, networked (ethernet and Wi-Fi) DSL internet connection in room, washer, dryer, quiet neighborhood, cul-de-sac, parking, doggy or two, large, wooded property in Millsmont ravine, overlooking Chimes Creek, redwood decks, redwood trees, garden, composting, fruit trees, hammock, hot tub. Three bedroom house with 2.5 baths. Two people now (one m, one f) and we need a third (female only, to maintain gender balance).

Room Available: Master room about 12' x 13' with large 9'6" closet, sliding glass doors to deck. room is unfurnished. own 1/2 of bath, (shower is shared with one other female roomie).

We are looking for a roomie with *some* of the following qualities: responsible, neat, considerate, self cleaning. willing to avoid using harsh cleaning chemicals, bug spray and other nasty sprays. be sensitive and courteous to others, communicative, friendly and positive, mellow, emotionally and financially stable, easy going, fun loving and helping by nature, not way into alcohol or drugs, understanding, not boring with an available sense of humor and an interest in living, independent, creative, mature, and have enough going on for yourself. be respectful and want to maintain a relaxed and friendly environment, etc. :)

See some pictures of the place...

Rent: $490 plus $95/month for utilities (water, sewer, gas, electric, garbage, DSL and cable).
Available: Immediately

Deposit: first+last+$200 cleaning/security deposit ($1370) move in cost. Lease Terms: non smoking female only. Month-to-month, but a one year commitment is preferred.

When replying: *please* include home and work phone numbers, best time to reach you, and a little something about yourself, your gig, your passion, your focus, your likes, etc.

Cheers, Bill, et. al.

Map: nairobi and oakdale
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

my chart [Jan. 5th, 2005|08:41 am]
Thanks to justin42, check out my astrological chart.

Here are the basics:

Sun in Taurus:
The Sun is related to the individuality, and Taurus is ruled by Venus, associated with beauty and harmony. So the person can fundamentally be seeking harmony in their life. They can have a strong aesthetic sense, being interested in things of beauty, the arts (ruled by Venus) or in refinement and culture. The Sun is to do with nobility, truthfulness and dignity, so their values (Venus stands for one's values) can be set
high. Since Taurus is an earth sign, the person can value security, seeking to possess things and establish firm foundations through material security. The earthiness can also bring qualities such as
tolerance, patience, deliberateness and conservatism.

Moon in Cancer:
The Moon is here in her own sign (as the ruler of Cancer), so all the qualities of the Moon are intensified. It is in dignity or honour, in astrological terminology. The person's emotions and feelings can be one of the most important features in their life. They are likely to be sensitive, with deep
emotions and experiences on the feeling level. This position is in favour of an excellent memory, since the Moon is to do with reflection, and of an easy going attitude to life -comfort may be deemed more important than achievement.

Moon in Cancer is perhaps the most nurturing of all configurations -nurturing both emotionally and physically. The person can be kind and sociable - qualities associated with the Moon - and may focus
their attention on the mother, the home, the family. In a female nativity the person could make a very loving mother, although may need to take care not to smother the child. If the person is living the higher qualities associated with the Moon, they can be very intuitive and have strong psychic abilities.

Many details in the long version of the chart were right on. Here are some of those details that resonated:

*Aesthetic sense, love of beauty.

*There may also be, at times, personality clashes, conflicts with figures of authority and with hierarchy
in general.

*High artistic sensitivity and inspiration: Deep experiences and revelations through music. Natural perception of the sacred side of arts.

*With this aspect, your Jupiterian power of material realisation depends a great deal on your clarity of
purpose and your sense of integrity. If there is no truth for you in a project or a particular job, better
not waste you time on it; your Jupiter enthusiasm would refuse to support you in it, and you would be
likely to achieve but mediocre results. Conversely, when you feel that truth is on your side, you can find
deep inner resources that make you unstoppable.

*The fiery Moon: The good side of the combination: Mars adds fire and spice to the Moon feelings.
Emotional stamina. Hot feelings. Passionate nature. Ardent love. Burning imagination.

*Has difficulty finding peace in meditation - the mind never seems to let go of thoughts. Restless emotions.

*Lots of fire, lots of desire. Emotional intensity (this combination is an emotion magnifier).

*A rich palette of feelings and also a depth to them. Strong attractions. Can be fascinated, enchanted,
enraptured, captivated. (Think of mythological stories relating the irresistible attraction between Ares-Mars and Aphrodite-Venus, and their passionate amorous episodes.) Strong likes, 'I love that', 'I adore him'.

*There's also a sex maniac aspect to my character...imagine that.

Read more...Collapse )
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Message me! [Jan. 1st, 2005|05:49 pm]
i just got a windows messenger and yahoo messenger accounts and can, at long last, send instant messages!

my WM name is saoirse.

my yahooIM name is bandittipub.

Message me! ;-)

woot, woot! **raisin' the roof**
LinkLeave a comment

Amor y Justicia [Dec. 21st, 2004|08:44 am]
[Current Mood |thoughtfulthoughtful]

I'm off for a few days so here's another poem written circa 1996-1997 to tide ya'll over until I return, hopefully with some fresh poems!

Wow, two postings in two days; I feel so...so...accomplished...tee hee hee.

I was reminded of Neruda last night. I adore his Odes...love and justice and poetry...sigh...

**Please excuse the lack of accents in the spanish version**

Oda a Neruda

de la mugre,
la mugre esta
en los manos
de los mineros,
La mugre de Chile.
Amante de tomates,
el mar,
Matilde dulce
amante de los amantes:
de las alcachofas
cantan su cancion,
las abejas proletarias
trabajan a los corolas,
su traje negro
camina con
el cuerpo
de sus poemas
por la
orillas saladas
de Valparaiso,
todos los atomos
de todas
sus palabras
bailan una vida
con la lucha
en direccion de
la justicia
y el amor


Ode to Neruda

of dirt,
dirt on
the hands
of miners,
the dirt of Chile;
Lover of tomatoes,
the sea,
sweet Matilde,
lover of lovers:
of artichokes
sing your song,
proletariat bees
work in corollas,
your black suit
walks with
the body
of your poems
along the
salty shores
of Valparaiso.
Every atom
of every one
of your words
a life
of struggle
and love
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To Know, For Sure [Dec. 20th, 2004|04:28 pm]
[Current Mood |melancholymelancholy]

Here's yet another "old" poem--I seem to be re-visting many "old" things lately, especially today...


The Possibility of This

-for Tom, Christmas 1998

When I was my niece’s
age, my dad was turning to ash
in a hospital bed, the fire seeping
through his body, a cigarette
left in the ashtray to burn. As I watch

Sara sitting on Tom’s lap, posing
for a picture, I’m amazed
how sure she is of his love, how
unconditional it all seems, how
given. Her memory of him

won’t end with this flash, it won’t end
up being a clue for her, as photos are
to me, proof of a simultaneous
existence, of the love I see
in the way he cautiously picks her

up, the unspoken acknowledgement
of trust and mutual admiration. I wonder
what it would feel like to know, for sure
the warmth of my father’s hand
on mine to know it physically,

as Sara knows it. Maybe I did,
and that feeling drifted away as he drifted into
a coma, in that quick split
second, when he lost consciousness,
the possibility of this

memory rose like smoke over a fire
dampened, the coals burning
an orange light behind
my smile, the picture
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Cookies like my one-eyed Grammy used to make... [Dec. 18th, 2004|11:02 pm]
[Current Mood |mellowmellow]

numerous people asked me for this recipe today, so here 'tis:

Italian Cookies


2 eggs
3/4 cup of sugar
2/3 cup of milk
1/4 cup margarine (melted)
1/4 cup of crisco (melted)
1/4 tsp anise oil
3 and 1/2 cups flour
7 tsp baking powder
1 pinch salt

Directions: Beat eggs. Add sugar, milk, margarine, crisco, and anise oil until well-blended. Add dry ingredients and mix well. Roll into little balls the size of a walnut and bake.

425 degrees for 8 to 10 minutes

Frosting: 1 tbsp crisco, 2 cups confect. sugar, 1 drop anise oil, 1/4 cup milk or enough to make creamy

Don't forget the sprinkles.

**To make these vegan, use egg replacer, soymilk, and vegetable shortening for the crisco and margarine (Spectrum makes an organic vegetable shortening that works well)
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